what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
