a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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