I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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