Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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