the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
