Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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