nut hugger
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
