I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
