So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
