I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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