No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
