I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
