I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
