just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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