Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
