First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
