evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
