Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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