what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
