I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
