I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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