You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
