He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
