Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
