the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
