I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
