Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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