are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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