He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
