I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
