PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You took a bar mat shot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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