You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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