dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
