I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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