I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
