Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
