By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
