Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
