ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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