not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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