I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
