this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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