my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My life is pants optional.
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