so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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