just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
