so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
