The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just invented taco cereal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
