I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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