I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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