Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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