"it" just moved
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
