She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
