i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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