I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
