It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
