What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
