BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
