I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
