yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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