Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was born a porn star she said
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
