I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
