And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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