she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
